Freedom to Be and Do

What amazes me is my ability to have a pity party for myself.   I texted my friend the other weekend about being sad about something. And she responded that she was having a pity party too.  It is so easy to focus on me and pity and not on the riches of the Lord.

One of the riches of the Lord that God has given me is the freedom of singleness.  I have the freedom to be and do whatever I want.  Of course there are restrictions on this (jobs and family being two obvious ones.)  But I can choose when and how I want dinner or if there will even be dinner.  (Let's be honest- there will be.) I can choose who my friends are and when and how I spend time with them.  I can choose where my time is spent, what ministries I invest in, where my money goes. There is a danger to this freedom, because there can be a lack of accountability.   The good thing is I have a sister and a friend or two who will call me out if I am unwise. (And yes, many a night is spent watching yet another episode of Gilmore Girls or Friends.)

But in the freedom of being and doing, I have so much I can do.  I can invest in friends and truly do life with them.  I can do Thursday and Saturday coffee; I can hangout with my brother and family ALOT; I can do game nights and dinners; I can have fun kids' nights that often involve projects.  I can help where needed without being constrained by the need for childcare.  If my niece tells me that she wants to work on a craft, I can easily make time for her.  I am free to do and serve without being constrained.

Being in a relationship with constraints is good.  There is humility, self sacrifice, etc.... There is a strength in two people or a family doing tasks together.  For married or married people with families that is the riches of the Lord given to them.  One is not better than the other.  They are the same but different.  I often wish I was given these riches.  But I haven't been given this.

So today, I chose to be thankful for what God has given me, the freedom I have to invest deeply in the people I do life with and work on the ministries I am called to without restriction.

Daily Contrition

"Last night, when you bowed the knee, you mournfully confessed that much of your conduct was not worthy of your profession; and even tonight, you must mourn afresh that you have fallen again into the selfsame folly and sin from which special grace delivered you long ago; and yet Jesus will have great patience with you; he will hear your confession of sin; he will say, "I will, be thou clean"; he will again apply the blood of sprinkling, and speak peace to your conscience, and remove every spot. It is a great act of eternal love when Christ once for all absolves the sinner, and puts him into the family of God; but what condescending patience there is when the Savior with much long-suffering bears the oft recurring follies of his wayward disciple; day by day, and hour by hour, washing away the multiplied transgressions of his erring but yet beloved child! To dry up a flood of rebellion is something marvelous, but to endure the constant dropping of repeated offences-to bear with a perpetual trying of patience, this is divine indeed! While we find comfort and peace in our Lord's daily cleansing, its legitimate influence upon us will be to increase our watchfulness, and quicken our desire for holiness. Is it so?"  Charles Spurgeon October 24 evening

This all - of this.  This is me, constantly failing.  I love how Spurgeon points out the marvelous-ness of the constant forgiveness of the multiplied transgressions of his people.  May this drive me towards holiness.

It's a P Party.

With blogging, it would be easy to write about everything I do and all my activities. That is never necessary.  But this weekend, my friends and I had a P party. And it was just fun.

All the food started with P from pizza with p toppings to popper dip to Pringles to pretzels to pink pudding pie.

P foods!

Pepper Pizza

Pretty girl in pink and pjs eating pudding pie

The kids took it to the next level and had P activities - Pin the tail on the Pig, a P play about a Pup, and a song about P things.

Play about a Pup

Everyone wore P clothes; some of us accidentally - me.) Pig tails, princes, princesses, pj's, pumpkins, pink,.....

People with P clothes

I always love time with these people - they are some of my favorite people. The P Party was no exception.

Now the question is what will be the next party? R? S? Not Q? I am pretty sure no one one a night of just quinoa and quiche.

The Tortoise and the Hare

If there are two things I know about myself, I go quickly and I speak fast.  Hmmm, those two things are interrelated.....

• If I teach Sunday School, it is generally done in half the time- ok sometimes in 1/4 of the time. 
• When I led youth group, my first lesson lasted 5 minutes- true story.   Talk about trying to fill up time.
• When I talk, I talk so fast I trip over names and always get them wrong.  I spent the evening with a Kristine and Kristin.  That was just an exercise in futility. Or working with a Megan, Melissa and Michelle? Too many M names for me to say the right one.

Me at any given moment

 And now here I am teaching an ESL class which last 2 hours and is filled with people who need me to speak slowly.  So I have to move slowly and prepare for 2 hours AND I have to talk slowly.   Did I mention my nickname at my first job was Speedy?  And that my mom moves fast too so it is ingrained in me?

Teaching ESL has been good for me.  I have only taught two lessons so far, but I have had more than enough material for the class and moved slowly through every thing.  (Granted some activities haven't worked quite as I envisioned, but that is ok.)  I also am able to slow down and speak slowly.  I don't know if it is because I just know I HAVE to or prayer or both.  But it is encouraging that I can teach and speak in a slower manner when I want to.

Who I need to be more often

I read somewhere that taking on a new task is hard and uncomfortable.  But being uncomfortable and doing hard things is good as that is what makes us depend on God and refines us.  We grow in our dependence on God and in our character.   And it is true. Teaching is uncomfortable for me; speaking slow is REALLY hard for me; lesson planning is hard for me.  But I am turning to God for strength and depending on Him more.   And hopefully developing my character as well.

Loneliness

Deuteronomy 31:8  The LORD is the one who goes ahead of you; He will be with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.  Do not fear or be dismayed.

Most people struggle with loneliness at some point or another.   We can be surround by family, friends, coworkers, and feel no one sees us or understands us.  But there is a special (different?) kind of loneliness to being single.   Who is there to pay the bills but you?  Who do you talk to at the end of a long day?  Who do you go on trips with?  Who do you eat dinner with regularly?  Who takes care of you when you are sick and vice versa?  Who do you make the big life decisions with?  And on and on and on.

And that loneliness is real.  You can work to overcome it.  Personally, I have done this through family and friends.  I intentionally invest in my family and friends and their kids.  I can almost always find a family to eat with if I want to on a given night.  I have several friends I talk to after a long day.   I have friends and family who I talk to about the big decisions and about worries.  These people who I have chosen to do life with support me and I them.   My intentional investment in family and friends is good and right and brings great joy. And there is a temptation to make them where I find completeness instead of in God.

But at the end of the day, in the dark of night, loneliness is still there.   The worries and fears and sorrow can overwhelm.  But it is in these dark night hours, in the churning emotions, that God is most present.  Only in Him is there true joy and wholeness.  In Him, there is no loneliness but a sense of security and unspeakable completeness.  

The cutest 4 year old you ever did see

My niece is 4.  And there is no one cuter than this 4 year old. No really, she is the cutest.

I love her more than words can say. But I will try to use some words.  She is sweet; she is giggly; she loves to read with me; she loves playing games; she is lovable; she is loving.

Whenever she sees someone she loves, she shouts their name and runs and hugs them.  The other day, she ran and gave my friend, M, a hug as soon as she saw her and then proceed to crawl into my lap and hug me and kiss me.   While standing and singing, she must have kissed me a dozen times.  How can you not love that?  I know she won't always run and hug me, so I cherish the time while I have it.

Fall quilting

I love Fall for so many reasons not the least is that it is the time of year that I start to quilt again.   I have two rag quilts going on at the same time.  It is a good thing that I don't anticipate guests in the next week as Sunday night my living room looked like this. 

That quilt is sewed together and just needs to get "ragged."  Now my living room floor is mostly covered by this quilt made with fabric from my Aunt Ann. You can't tell but the light fabrics are all light pinks.   So this weekend, if you don't see me, it's because I am home sewing this quilt together.

A 1 year old!

This boy is one!

 

He is happy; he is active; he is lovable.

And he clearly is going to be  artist as evidenced by the pictures I found on my phone.

Hosting - A Challenge or An Enjoyment

We go through seasons of life- some long, some short.  This last six months has been a season of busyness but mostly good busyness: the busyness of relationships.   More than anything, I love being at home with a book and a cup of tea.  But I also love spending time with the people I "do life" with.  And to "do life" with these people, shockingly, I have to spend time with them.

Craft night (side note- I LOVE these people)

In the past few months, I have had groups of people over- kids' craft nights, book clubs, football parties, game nights, and so on.  When I bought my house years ago, I knew I wanted to have people over, but my house is small and I am not a decorator.   Really I can only fit about 8-10 people comfortably in my house.   But what if your friends on average have 3 or 4 kids?  The numbers add up quickly.

Game night

My friends' mom has been my encouragement to get over my fear of my perception of my house. Granted- she decorates her house and makes it lovely.  And her parties always have a cute theme or look.  Confessions of hostess No one will ever say that about my house- that isn't me.

Game night part 2

But she will be the first to admit her house isn't perfect and her parties aren't perfect.  And that is an encouragement.  So I pack the people in.   A game night may have 19-22 people (nowadays 10 people in my house is a small group.) But if those 19-22 people like and enjoy each other, no one cares that it is packed or that the decorations aren't there or the food isn't perfect.

At the end of the day, it's about spending time together.

Coffee

Coffee is a beautiful thing for meeting with people.   I meet a friend on Thursdays and another friend on Saturdays over coffee.  These coffee meetings are a constant highlight in my week.  

Coffee is a beautiful thing to have while reading.  A hot drink, a rainy day, a good book- one of my favorite type of days

On the ride to work or to start off your work day, coffee is a beautiful thing.

In short, coffee is a beautiful thing.