12th Day of Christmas

On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love married me.

God is good all the time: all the time, God is good. I believe this with all my heart.  In all seasons of my life, this statement is the foundation of all I believe.

And I am entering a new season of my life.  On Epiphany Day, the day we celebrate God's revealed love- Christ incarnate, Steve and I were married quietly in a small intimate wedding. The past months have been a whirlwind.  As I look back at the last year and meeting Steve and getting to know him and fall in love with him, I am amazed at God's hand.  I don't believe in a mystical "one for you." But I do believe God, in his goodness, brought us together.  

So today, I want to reflect on the goodness of God in bringing Steve into my life.  

A man who:

• loves God
• loves family and friends deeply
• is kind
• is funny (when not corny)
• cares about me  
• knows me well and still loves me

I could give examples of all of the above. But you know what?  I find that it is all still personal and new and precious and doesn't need to be all over the internet.  So come and drink a cup of coffee or tea and let's talk about what has been going on in my life.  Warning- it is going to be about Steve.....

A family of friends

The past few weeks, in church, we have been talking about community, fellowship, people living together - make the terminology whatever you would.

This concept is at the heart of how I live my day to day life.  God brings people together to live among and serve together and worship with and pray with and encourage and just share life with. The past ten years, this is how I have lived my life intentionally being intimately involved with others' lives and they with mine.  Some people are constant and always there, some come and go.  But my life is the better and richer for these friendships.

Friendship isn't easy, and it takes time and energy to maintain relationships whether meeting weekly to pray, meeting weekly to drink coffee and share about our week and joys and frustrations, babysitting, messaging frustrations and joys with laughter and mocking thrown in, eating meals together, playing games, talking about books, doing bible study.  The more I spend time with my friends, the more our lives are intertwined and while we may cause offense or give offense especially if you are direct and blunt as I may have a slight tendency to be, we forgive and love.

Recently I have realized anew the importance of friendships.   Friendships are messy but also provide guidance, encouragement, and joy.  Here are some important "friendship" moments in the past 2 weeks alone.

• A friend messages asking me and says she is praying and gives encouragement.  
• Another rearranges her schedule to keep meeting me for coffee when my schedule has shifted.  
• A sister says drink coffee with us.  
• A friend sends me mail while away for the summer. 
• In a time of needing counsel and people who know me better than I know myself, my friends let me show up at their house and just talk to them.  

I could go on.  But what I have been struck with is that these incidents, these friendships, just didn't happen overnight.  They have been built up over time and effort and just being together. By intentionally choosing each other as friends and living life, I have a network of people to fall on when I need to and am more able to met the challenges and joys of life.

I can't imagine my life without a group of friends who are family living through all of the messiness and joys and frustrations and vibrancy of life.

When Friendship Hurts

I am so very grateful the community of friends I do life with.  Looking back over the last ten years of being back on the Shore, friendships have ebbed and flowed as is inevitable.  But there are friends that have stood the test of time, friends with deep relationships, friends whom I love and seek counsel from, friends I pray with and serve alongside.

But friendship can be ugly.  We hurt each other with words, behaviors, and actions. We misunderstand each other or cause offense intentionally or unintentionally.   It is these moments that strengthen or potentially destroy a friendship.  I have learned the hard way how true this is.  I find it so much easier to assume that I have no role in conflict or no need to restore a friendship when conflict is rife.  Not long ago, God shook me up and convicted me regarding this.  I was at fault in conflict and need to make restoration- me- no one else.  The thing is that it is hard to recognize that failure and sinfulness within.  And even harder to acknowledge it to the one you have wronged.

But God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good. In the humbling of myself and asking forgiveness and seeking full restoration, there is grace and love from the Lord and the other person and a picture of how the Church is to work - in humility and love for others and repentance striving for unity.    Philippians speaks to this - "Standing firm in ONE spirit, with ONE mind, striving SIDE BY SIDE for the faith of the gospel....  If there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the SAME mind, having the SAME love, being in FULL accord and of ONE mind."

Friendships are messy.  But by working through conflict and recognizing the ugliness of ourselves, friendship can draw us closer to the Lord and holiness.   I am so thankful for my friends and the grace they bestow and the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Friends and Relations

This week, one of my cousins and her family came and spent the week at my mom and dad's.  It was a full week- lots of meals with people who wanted to hear about the work my cousin and her husband do, visiting another cousin at her church, playing with the kids and just visiting.

I often think about relationships (really most of my blog is about relationships.)  It is because relationships matter.  We forge friendships and encourage and build each other up by spending time with other people and being involved in their lives and they in ours.   They take time and effort and often physical time together.

But my cousin lives a continent or two away.  The wonderful thing is that when we are together, we pick up right where we left off.  I think that is because we have common interest, shared history and, most importantly, long to grow in the knowledge and truth of the Lord.   I am grateful for this week and the time we had.  For all the time playing with her kids and my nieces and nephew.  For the time to hear them speak about their work in a formal and informal setting. For the time spent talking about what really matter especially while running errands. For the time just to be together.

I love and cherish relationships and the value of friends.  Every so often, it is nice when your friend is also a relation.

Games with kids

Living in the ordinary

Last weekend, I visited my aunt and uncle, a friend and her family, and went to a family reunion.  It is funny to think that I have seen relatives in Africa more recently than relatives in Virginia.   But along the way, I didn't take many pictures or even have my camera on me. 

A few moments captured of time with my friend and her family

But that is okay.  Even though I didn't capture every moment in picture, memories were created.  The moments were ordinary.  

• Visiting my aunt and uncle and having dinner with them.  
• Spanish class with my aunt.
• Talking to my aunt and uncle about recent trips and upcoming ones.
• Walking with my friend as in bygone years - only now with a 4 year old.
• Craft time with the 4 year old.
• Sitting on a porch and talking about everything and nothing. 
• Traveling with my brother's family and just talking.
• Making funny laughs for my nephew.
• Playing games with my nieces.

None of these moments are spectacular or amazing.  A book or movie would never be created about them. And yet.

Games

And yet, in the ordinary is the extraordinary.  These moments are the fabric of my life.  These people are the people God has given me.  And that is extraordinary. And it is good.

Choosing family

While drinking coffee the other day, as we do many Saturday mornings, Monique commented to another girl that sometimes we can chose our family.  I wholeheartedly agree with this statement.  We can't chose our biological family (thankfully I love mine).  But we can choose the family we love and do life with on a daily basis.

Family

I am fortunate to have a several good friends that I call family.  Monique is one of them.  And what a friend, one who is kind, chill, loving, gets me, and serves the Lord.

Over the past 10 years, our lives have overlapped and intertwined. And, in the past few years, we have been drawn closer and closer together.  My life is filled with Monique; we drink coffee together weekly, sit together at church, study the Bible together at Bible Study, eat dinners together, do Christmas bowling with kids.....  Our lives are wrapped up together.   She is family.

Monique, I chose you as my family!  Happy Birthday! 

Conversation Hour

This summer, we are trying something new for our ESL ministry.   We have invited all of the students to come and speak English with fluent English speakers for an hour.  The hope is that we can give them the opportunity to just practice speaking English in a low key setting and to build relationships.

It is the same night and time as classes during the school year for a sense of regularity.  The first 2 weeks we didn't have anyone come.  In wondering why, we realized that the church appeared unopened and the cars were out of sight so the church looked deserted.  Live and learn; the third week, we made it obvious we were there and 6 people came!  And this week, 6 people came.  I think both weeks have gone well with lots of good conversation.

This sometimes surprises me.  While I am social with people I know, it is often painfully awkward for me to converse with those I don't know well.  But God is merciful and overcomes that.  I have been able to talk about any number of things and we laugh a lot along the way.

One of the reasons that I love ESL is seeing the joy as people "get it" and speak with more and more confidence. Also I love the people I work with.  Thursday, one of the girls in my group was a young teen.  She came to classes too, and I loved having her in class then too.  She is just fun and full of life.  After class as we were leaving, she proudly announced she can now pray in English and did so.

A month into summer conversation hours, I am so glad we are doing these sessions.  I pray for relationships to grow and English to be improved.  God is good all the time; all the time, God is good. May His goodness flood this ministry.

Graduation, Games, and Gifts

Rachel graduated.  I have lots I could say. I will simply say I love this girl and spending time with her tons and tons.  As a friend said Saturday, sometimes we choose our family, and I chose Rachel and her peeps and they chose me.  And that I'm glad it worked out from me to go to the ceremony against odds.  I may have been THAT person who walked in late, but I made it!

Graduation!

Made it just in time to see her graduate

Rachel' graduation party was fun - good food and great people.   Last week, Rachel, Juliet and I had made lawn Dutch Blitz.  After trying it out Friday night, we got two games in at the party.  It really is lots of fun and amusing to watch the runners try to get the cards into the middle of the lawn.   I hope to get lots more games in this summer at reunions, birthday parties, and other gatherings.

My team made a valiant, albeit unsuccessful, effort

Jessie got in one game- here's too more games with her

Last year, I surprised Evan with an Eagles quilt at his graduation.   For Rachel, she picked out the fabric and pattern.   Somehow, I completely mismeasured the fabric I needed.  I had to improvise.  The backing was going to be all rose fabric and now has a strip of blue and green which I love.  And I had to use my 2 leftover squares as binding.  I love when improvisation turns out better than the initial vision.

I love the colors and the Split Rail Knot pattern

Back

And speaking of quilts, I am working on a Christmas rag quilt.  I had cut the material back and am sewing the squares together now to rag.  More on that later.

Rachel, your graduation day was wonderful.  I pray that as you go to college that you make your faith your own, dig into God's Word and be deeply satisfied, and "that your love will abound more and more in all knowledge and depth of insight so that you may discern what is best and be perfect and complete for the day of Christ being filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God."

Practical friendship

Today is Mother's Day.  I love my mother and all that she has done, is doing, and will be doing for me.  But I don't love Mother's Day.   I woke up this morning purposing to be content in who I am in Christ and realizing that my life is good and right as it is.

It's not always easy though.  I can look at social media and long for what others have.  I can go the coffee shop that gives free coffee to mothers and get frustrated. (I got coffee- I have a pet rock I am a mother to. It counts, right?)  I can get irritated when all the mothers are asked to stand in church to be honored. (I need grace on this one.  Nothing makes me feel more aware of being childless than traditions like this.)

I have a choice to make.  How do I react?  What is my heart attitude? This year was an easier year than other years for a multitude of reasons.

Partly this is because, today, four friends encouraged me in their own special ways.  Monique let my sister and I monopolize her son and have first dibs at holding him as always. She recognizes us as his aunts.   Lori and Jerry said nothing but, knowing it may be difficult, included me in lunch today as they include me in their lives on a day to day basis.  And Linda wrote a card encouraging and loving and perfect for me and where I am at.

Today, I am thankful for my mother. But I am also thankful for godly friends; friends who love in practical and real ways.

Questions about Brotherly Love

Recently loving one another has come up in conversations. I have been praying to love others better, and God has been sending me some people to practice loving others.  If you know me, you know this isn't the easiest thing for me.

Sure, I love my sister who is my favoritest person ever.  I love my friends who I naturally have common interests in and similar personalities and sense of humor.  Nothing makes me happier than meeting Monique for coffee on a Saturday morning or book club with my friends or game night and coffee with Sarah and family.  And if they ask me to do anything, I like to think that I will drop everything to do it.

But what about the unlovable? What about the sensitive people?  What about the people I have nothing in common with?  What about the quirky people (who clearly I am not)?  ~ Can you see I have a problem with naturally loving people?

What does it mean to love one another especially those I don't like?  And this is what I am learning and grappling with.  I know it means putting their interest above mine.  I know it means overlooking faults and praying for them and building them up.   But does it mean I have to like them? And what does "like" even mean?  So you can see I have a lot of thoughts swirling around.

I don't know all the answers.

Scripture says-
Love the Lord your God .... and love your neighbor as yourself. These is no commandment greater than these. Mark 12:31
Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this. to lay down one's life for one's friends. John 15-12-13
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God.  Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1 John 4:7-8

Clearly I am commanded to love. But what does love look like?

1 Corinthians says Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always preserves. Love never fails.  

These verses give me a picture of love in action.  In loving the unlovable, I am to be patient and kind and not easily angered - things that don't come naturally.  The verses don't tell me the specifics of what to do and not do.  However if my actions are kind, not self-seeking, not keeping a record of wrong, maybe the rest will follow.

For today I don't know.  And that is okay.  I will pray to love others and for God to show me how.

An outdoor tea

Today, we put on a tea for 4 year old to 6th grade girls.  We wanted to show them love and that was the theme- loving one another.

Although a little hot, I took advantage of a nice weekend and set up outside.  Added some flowers from my yard and called it a day.  I have to do me- and that is minimal decorations.  Plus I knew Lori's china would make everything fancy.

I love my blue bottle

Those plates!

For food, we kept it simple too (gotta do me) - pastries, cookies, and triangle sandwiches. It was too hot for real tea so we just did cold drinks, lemonade and raspberry tea.

For the message, Lori talked about loving others even when it isn't easy-  I would do well to learn from that.

It's little girls so we did a craft, of course.  In keeping with the theme, everyone made sunshine jars filled with candy to give someone with a note to say why.  Several girls were so sweet with their notes and why they loved the person they were giving the jar too.  Susie made hers for me (that girl!)

Almost all our girls were 10-12.  But I love the little girls who came.  And a shout out to my favorite 4 year old who made her sunshine jar for her silly uncle.

I think Lori, Rachel and I were all tired after the tea. But it was worth it.  Time well spent.

Releasing Offenses

We all have had people who have offended us by word or by action.   Because I am so blunt and abrupt, I know I must give offense more than I realize.

Awhile back, someone had offended me.  Feeling rejected and hurt, I moved on and let it go deciding to just not reach out to that person again.  Reject me once, shame on you . Reject me twice, shame on me.  (To misquote a common saying.)  But that isn't biblical or gracious, is it?

I was talking to my brother in law and sister recently and this incident came up.  My brother in law, who does relationships better than anyone I know, encouraged me to renew the friendship and not cling to the hurt.  I took his advice and regained a friendship.

It is so easy for me to hold tight to bitterness or rejection and to not forgive insults real or perceived. And yet God tells me over and over to forgive.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col 3:13 and Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, ......  Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. Eph 4:31-32

Thinking on what my brother in law told me, I had to not only say I forgive the offense but forgive in practice too.  And that is where forgiveness is difficult, reaching out, risking hurt, humbling yourself. In this case, forgiveness in practice worked to yield a quick reward, renewed friendship.  But it could have gone the other way and I could have been hurt again, rejected again.   Yet even if this is the case, the better way, God's way, is to forgive no matter what.

And this is my prayer, to be a forgiving person who releases offenses and loves without question.

Celebrating the Resurrection

 I gave you the message that I received.  I told you the most important truths; that Christ died for our sins as the Scriptures say; that he was buried and was raised to life on the third day, as the Scriptures say.  I Cor 15:3-45

Today, Easter Sunday, we celebrate that Jesus died for our sins and rose to life the third day.  And because of his death, we have eternal life with Him. What a wonderful gift.

This year, some family was traveling for Easter, so we switched things up. My mom very graciously let me open her house up to a variety of people. I invited lots of people that I know and love spending time with and some I don't know as well.  All said and done, 19 people ended up coming.   We even had two John/Jons, two Eds, and two Lindas.

Some who came were friends of old, and some were new.  Some had known each other awhile. Some didn't know each other.  But regardless, I think a good time was had by all.

I didn't take any pictures.  Surprisingly I didn't have my phone most of the time- forced socialization?  So picture an open floor plan with lots of tables and people.  Picture veggie and meat lasagnas, spring salads, bread, and a variety of desserts.

We even did an Easter Egg hunt. Who says you have to have kids to do an Easter Egg hunt?  Katie was the winner followed shortly after Heidi.

Pre Easter Egg hunt- picture by Lynn

I am thankful for God's gift of salvation, but I am thankful too for family and friends. I am thankful for all who came and joined in our dinner and made this Easter special.

Friends

"C" is for celebration

cheese curls and cheese and crackers- clear winners

Last night was our "C" letter party.  C is for celebration, so we celebrated my birthday.  And I invited some other friends to join us.  This time of year is lovely as everyone is itching to grill and kids can run around outside.

cool girl, costume, cat, camel, cowboy

Clothing was varied- college shirts, collared shirts, cow costumes, tinkerbell costumes, corduroy, camouflage, cowboys, camel shirts, cat shirts, crazy socks, cutoffs, capris, Christmas earrings, calculation bracelet.

cheese burgers (some with jalapenos!!!!)

chips, casear salad, casserole

So many C foods.  Cheeseburgers, cream cheese poppers, cheese casserole (Mac and cheese), coleslaw, chips, Caesar salad, cheese and crackers, chickpea humus.... So many foods.  Cider, Cheerwine, chocolate milk, cream coffee ale, lots of drinks too. And desserts- cherry chocolate cheesecake, chocolate covered cream puffs, and cowboy cookies. I am not sure what my favorite was jalapeno flavored cheeseburgers or poppers and cheesecake or cream puffs.  C food is amazing.

cherry chocolate cheesecake, cowboy cookies

chocolate covered cream puffs

Conversation, "fake" cousins, celebrations, children carrying on, creative play.

conversations and Captain America ready to save lives

Cheers to a chaming, cheery C celebration!

Once a friend, Always a friend

This weekend, I got to spend time with an old friend who I don't see often.  In college, she was my closest friend.  I have so many memories of walking and talking for hours.  Time and distance makes it hard to see her often.  This weekend, after a year of trying to meet up and illness striking, we caught up at her in-laws.  (By the way, I love her in-laws- they are super gracious and always welcoming.)

Driving home, I was reflecting that 16 years after graduating college, I have changed and so has she. Who hasn't?  But the things that made us friends years ago are still there.  16 years from now, I hope we still are friends and can catch up no matter where we are.

my new bff

I spent alot of my time trying to be best friends with this precious little one.  I think I succeeded.  Two weeks from now, I bet she will have forgotten about her new bff.  But when we see each other again, I am going to rekindle that relationship and be bffs again.

birthdays for two of us

games!!!!

On a side note, I stopped off at Bethany Beach Books; bookstores are my happy place. And I love a good independent bookstore promoting Indie books and not all the bestsellers.

Hold the Baby

Little Emory is here and well loved.  His amazing mom brought him to church and let us hold him the entire time.   I don't know if I would have been that willing to let people hold him the entire time.

Normally Monique and I sit with my sister-in-law and family.  But they were away which meant that my other "family" sat with us.   Everyone wanted to hold Emory - well everyone but Matthew.

Matthew and I took food over Saturday and, as excited as he was, he didn't get near Emory.

Mo had to convince Matt to even stand behind us.

On Sunday, Rachel was the first Bier to hold him. But don't worry, Evan is still the favorite- sight unseen.

baby whisperer?

Melissa wanted in on the action.

She always holds a baby.

But Juliet stole Emory from her- twice.

Emory loved Juliet

Even Kayla held Emory.

A little nervous!

Sadly Kristine and family missed Baby Emory. But there will be other days.

As I told Monique, I am not a baby person.  Besides Maggie, Amelia, and William, he is probably the baby I have held the most.  But it's different when it's your family.   And that is my point, we are all family- some of us by blood; some of us by friendship.  But our lives are interwoven together.  And this is good. 

Fun filled weekend

This weekend, with their parents and their older sister away, I had Matthew and Juliet all weekend. We crammed alot into 3 days.   The best part is that we spent time with some of our favorite adults (Holly and Daric!) and favorite kids (Amelia, Susie, and Kayla!)

Saturday, we watched the Batman Lego movie with Amelia (Maggie was sick.) Amelia and I got some cuddling in during the movie too.

Then pizza while watching Phineas and Ferb.  

I am not a Papa John's fan but jalapenos make most pizza better

Sunday, we walked the dogs with Holly and got some games in - Mexican Train dominoes and Monopoly.  I am not a Monopoly fan and did not play.  But Mexican Train dominoes is one of my new favorite games. 

And of course just the three of us played games, mostly Timeline, dominoes, and Rummikub.  I am so happy Matt has learned Rummikub, and his strategy is growing.  (Dad would be happy if he had seen how Matt rearranged the board to play one or two tiles.)

Because who doesn't love some competition, especially Biers, we tracked the winners of all games played. Winner got to pick where we ate a treat Monday.

 

But first we picked up Kayla and Susie.  Kayla took charge and made pancakes for lunch and supervised her helpers (Juliet and Susie.) And Juliet made eggs.

Then we went to the park to burn off energy.

Some of us just read.....

And then Tutti Frutti (Juliet's winner's choice) and Starbucks for me.

Susie managed to sneak by my notice when getting her ice cream and got a "Susie" portion of ice cream.  Of course, she ate it all.

To finish off the weekend, puppy time with the Kestlers and then Mexican Train dominoes with Dad and Uncle Dwight.  How special is that- games with Dad and Uncle Dwight.

One day in the not distant future, Juliet will be in college and Matthew will no longer be a kid.   Today, I am thankful for being able to enjoy these days of games, pizza, friendships, and family.  And we are family, all of us- some by blood, some by friendship, all in Christ.  I think of mom and dad and their years of friendship with Aunt Betty and Uncle Dwight.   30 years from now, I hope that these kids still think of me as an aunt and my friendships with their parents are as solid as my parents with their friends.