When Friendship Hurts

I am so very grateful the community of friends I do life with.  Looking back over the last ten years of being back on the Shore, friendships have ebbed and flowed as is inevitable.  But there are friends that have stood the test of time, friends with deep relationships, friends whom I love and seek counsel from, friends I pray with and serve alongside.

But friendship can be ugly.  We hurt each other with words, behaviors, and actions. We misunderstand each other or cause offense intentionally or unintentionally.   It is these moments that strengthen or potentially destroy a friendship.  I have learned the hard way how true this is.  I find it so much easier to assume that I have no role in conflict or no need to restore a friendship when conflict is rife.  Not long ago, God shook me up and convicted me regarding this.  I was at fault in conflict and need to make restoration- me- no one else.  The thing is that it is hard to recognize that failure and sinfulness within.  And even harder to acknowledge it to the one you have wronged.

But God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good. In the humbling of myself and asking forgiveness and seeking full restoration, there is grace and love from the Lord and the other person and a picture of how the Church is to work - in humility and love for others and repentance striving for unity.    Philippians speaks to this - "Standing firm in ONE spirit, with ONE mind, striving SIDE BY SIDE for the faith of the gospel....  If there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the SAME mind, having the SAME love, being in FULL accord and of ONE mind."

Friendships are messy.  But by working through conflict and recognizing the ugliness of ourselves, friendship can draw us closer to the Lord and holiness.   I am so thankful for my friends and the grace they bestow and the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Anniversary Party - Picture Edition

Mom and Dad's 40th Anniversary party was two weeks ago.  Frances took pictures; I love them.  Plus I am just happy that we pulled off the surprise and want to share the moments with others.

Mom and Dad with Aunt Betty and Uncle Dwight - 

Mom and Dad met at their wedding

Mom and Dad arrived at Holly's thinking it was just dinner with Holly and Daric and her in-laws.

The best part was when they realized Aunt Betty and Uncle Dwight had come from North Carolina to surprise them.

We had Chipolte (Scott's idea and really the easiest way to do food) and Dairy Queen ice cream cake.

Aunt Betty still had her Maid of Honor dress from 40 years ago- super fun.

Family photos were taken.



Check out these cute kids.

I love Frances's collage of the girls and their aunts.

And finally, my favoritest sister ever and me! 

Thank you once again, Frances, for taking all the pictures!!!!!

He Who is My Refuge

I have been thinking lately about anxiety and worry.  Okay, I think about that a lot.  Recently more in the context of being content and full of joy.  If I am content, I will not be anxious or worried. Or maybe a better way to say it is that if I am content, my anxiety can be contained when it flairs up. Those times I am content; I have found this to be true.

I am memorizing Psalm 91 for church and the words are timely.

• He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
• My refuge and fortress....
• He will deliver you.... 
• He will cover you.... 
• You will not fear.... 

I have a God who loves me and is my dwelling place.  He is a place to find refuge from the anxiety and worries that may overwhelm me.  As I learn Psalm 91, I want to make these truths a fundamental part of how I relate to God and turn to him.

I want to be able to say that because I have made the Lord my dwelling place- the Most High, who is my refuge- no evil (worry or anxiety) shall be allowed to befall me.

40 years and counting

Yesterday, we celebrated our parent's 40th anniversary.  They are an example to us and to others of loving each other and Jesus and of commitment. And it is good to honor them.

My sister had the idea to surprise them.  With some help from Chipolte and Dairy Queen, we had a plan all laid out.  Until......  sickness kept two of my favorite families home and the party dropped in size by a third.  And a storm wrecked havoc on the house we were going to be at and we did a last minute switch of houses.  In spite all that, it worked out.

40 years ago- Aunt Betty, Mom, Dad, Uncle Dwight

Mom and Dad showed up at Holly's house thinking they were just doing dinner with Holly and her in-laws.   They were truly surprised to see the whole family and some good friends.  But the surprise went up another level when Aunt Betty and Uncle Dwight (who Mom thought were busy with other events) popped out from around the corner.

Anniversary Family Picture (PC: Frances)

Our party was small and intimate but sweet with close friends and family who are part of the fabric of Mom and Dad's lives (and us kids).   We had a slide show with lots of comments on pictures, a wedding album I stole earlier that week from their house with a little help from a friend, questions and answers about Mom and Dad by the grand kids, the bridesmaid dress Aunt Betty had worn on display, and good food and conversation.

Dad told us we did well.  I take that as a compliment.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

A shout out to Julie for being part of the surprise planning, to Frances for taking pictures, and especially to Aunt Betty and Uncle Dwight for making the trip up to celebrate.

Child of delight

Today Eve has reached the double digits which is hard to believe.

10th birthday in Maryland

She is the first of all of my nieces and nephews- real or fake- in that she was the first to enter my life. I still remember eating crabs with her parents and my brother and sister in law the night before she was born.  I still remember holding her a couple of weeks old almost in tears knowing that her family was moving halfway across the country and my relationship with her would be built on infrequent visits. Pretty much every year for 7 years(?), I would visit her family and relish the time I had with her and her siblings until her family moved to Virginia and finally Maryland when I saw her much more. But God is good because, despite the infrequent visits for years, I have always known Eve and loved her deeply.

Reading in California

She is sweet and loves well.
She is eager to please and desires to help others.
She is full of creativity and imagination.
She is a joy to all who know her.

Visiting Eve in Oklahoma

Happy birthday, Eve!

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety tends to defines me.  I wish it didn't, but more often than not it does.  I can be anxious about everything - big or small, what may be, what was, and what may not be. Anxiety for others. Anxiety for me.  Anxiety that I will forget a commitment.  Anxiety that I will never love that unlovable person more.  Anxiety about my niece at camp this week.  Anxiety about whether my friend will do good on a job interview.  Anxiety is all around ready to control me.

I have a choice.  Do I let anxiety define me or do I overcome anxiety?  Do I let the habit of anxiety set future precedence?  And as I contemplate these questions, I am reminded of an answer I know yet constantly forget.  "Do not be anxious about anything.  But in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." * This is the habit I need to continue to make.  Instead of dwelling on anxiety, I need to present my worry to God and trust that He will give me peace.  And you know what, He inevitably does!

Today, I choose to give my anxiety to God and dwell in His peace.  "He is able to do immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine"^ even with my anxiety.

*Phil 4:6-7
^ Eph 3:20

Friends and Relations

This week, one of my cousins and her family came and spent the week at my mom and dad's.  It was a full week- lots of meals with people who wanted to hear about the work my cousin and her husband do, visiting another cousin at her church, playing with the kids and just visiting.

I often think about relationships (really most of my blog is about relationships.)  It is because relationships matter.  We forge friendships and encourage and build each other up by spending time with other people and being involved in their lives and they in ours.   They take time and effort and often physical time together.

But my cousin lives a continent or two away.  The wonderful thing is that when we are together, we pick up right where we left off.  I think that is because we have common interest, shared history and, most importantly, long to grow in the knowledge and truth of the Lord.   I am grateful for this week and the time we had.  For all the time playing with her kids and my nieces and nephew.  For the time to hear them speak about their work in a formal and informal setting. For the time spent talking about what really matter especially while running errands. For the time just to be together.

I love and cherish relationships and the value of friends.  Every so often, it is nice when your friend is also a relation.

Games with kids