What is family?

My friend messaged me a while back and said that I wasn't so much a fake aunt as a real aunt to her girls.   And I am.  I love those girls and spend more time with them and pray for them as though I was a real aunt.  

Then I read an article by Wesley Hill which talked about how we can pursue holiness through sacrifice whether married or single.  He talks of hospitality and made this observation.

"when married couples have welcomed me, a single man, to the table—literally, to the dinner table—alongside their children. I've had many married friends over the years who have been happy to book sitters for their kids so they can meet me, childless, at the cinema or concert venue or so that we can carpool to the same adults-only dinner party. Those times have been pleasant enough and occasionally even memorable. But they fade in significance when compared with the times I've been invited into the chaotic rhythm, happy or otherwise, of a family's regular routine. ....... I wasn't so much a guest as I was an uncle, an expected face in their normal, unprettified lives."

"Singles..... accepting the invitation of married couples with children to enter their chaotic spaces, not as guests but as family. Choosing not to eat or live alone, we single people can make our routines interruptible, our preferences and schedules violable. By committing to a particular parish and tethering ourselves to its members, regardless of how unlike us they may be, we can practice the kind of singleness that looks more like John Stott's or Pope Francis's and less like that on display in HBO's Girls. We can choose to practice hospitality—babysitting the godchildren for whom we've taken vows, preparing meals and shouldering the more thankless task of cleaning up after them—instead of simply assuming it's our married friends' job to provide it."

All of this left me thinking about what is family.  This blurb from the article is so true in my life.  As I do life with the married people in my life, I become family with them. Granted, in Christ, we are all family.  But that is more of a general overarching statement and the reality is often we are family like the aunt and uncle or cousin you see once a year.  Love them but aren't close to them.  You don't know when they are crying or hurting or rejoicing or laughing.  And we can't have an intimate relationship with everyone.

But within the context of the local community and/or like-minded Jesus followers, I can build these intimate relationships.  However it takes work and time and effort and sometimes hurt feelings and dealing with difficult issues.

Yet with all the effort, family is formed and it is worth it.   Family knows the joys and sorrows. Family is there for the messy parts of life and the glorious moments.   Family drops everything when needed.  Family sacrifices time and resources to encourage each other.  Family asks the hard questions in love. Family prays for each other.  Family supports each other's dreams.  Family knows the ugliness of you and still loves unconditionally.

A few weeks ago, I was at my friends' house (who are like family) trying to make a decision about something.  I drove them all batty with my indecisiveness and need to keep rehashing my thoughts. But family lets you be indecisive and lets you drive them batty as you talk through your issue. Family also mocks you as you drive them batty....

I am thankful for my "real" biological family that I am close to and who exemplifies family in so many ways.  And I am thankful for my "real" fake family that lets me be an aunt/sister, an expected face in their normal, unprettified lives.