My older brother

"I am proud to be your fake older brother." This approval meant and means everything to me not just because of the words but because of who said them.

10 years ago, my friend, Lori, welcomed me into her life. Slowly but surely her family has become part of my life in so many ways.  Her kids are like nieces and nephews; she is a confident and friend and willing to make time for me whenever I need.  While I may not have realized how deep these relationships would become, that they are like family is not a surprise.  What was unexpected was how I gained an older brother as well.

Jerry has seen me, good and bad, and cared for and encouraged me along the way.  When I couldn't sleep and was going crazy from insomnia, he was the one to give me advice and would let me just come over and hang out with them.   He purposely includes me in family events and day to day activities.   He mocks me, prays for me, laughs at me, and encourages me.  He isn't afraid to give me advice. And when he does, his advice is the counsel of a wise friend worth heeding (even if I don't always want to hear said counsel).

I may not have an older brother by blood, but I have an older brother in every way that truly counts.

Happy birthday, Jerry.

A family of friends

The past few weeks, in church, we have been talking about community, fellowship, people living together - make the terminology whatever you would.

This concept is at the heart of how I live my day to day life.  God brings people together to live among and serve together and worship with and pray with and encourage and just share life with. The past ten years, this is how I have lived my life intentionally being intimately involved with others' lives and they with mine.  Some people are constant and always there, some come and go.  But my life is the better and richer for these friendships.

Friendship isn't easy, and it takes time and energy to maintain relationships whether meeting weekly to pray, meeting weekly to drink coffee and share about our week and joys and frustrations, babysitting, messaging frustrations and joys with laughter and mocking thrown in, eating meals together, playing games, talking about books, doing bible study.  The more I spend time with my friends, the more our lives are intertwined and while we may cause offense or give offense especially if you are direct and blunt as I may have a slight tendency to be, we forgive and love.

Recently I have realized anew the importance of friendships.   Friendships are messy but also provide guidance, encouragement, and joy.  Here are some important "friendship" moments in the past 2 weeks alone.

• A friend messages asking me and says she is praying and gives encouragement.  
• Another rearranges her schedule to keep meeting me for coffee when my schedule has shifted.  
• A sister says drink coffee with us.  
• A friend sends me mail while away for the summer. 
• In a time of needing counsel and people who know me better than I know myself, my friends let me show up at their house and just talk to them.  

I could go on.  But what I have been struck with is that these incidents, these friendships, just didn't happen overnight.  They have been built up over time and effort and just being together. By intentionally choosing each other as friends and living life, I have a network of people to fall on when I need to and am more able to met the challenges and joys of life.

I can't imagine my life without a group of friends who are family living through all of the messiness and joys and frustrations and vibrancy of life.

My mother's child

Today is my mother's birthday.

I am my mother's child in so many ways.

• I look like her.
• I plan like her.
• I write letters like her.
• I am fast like her.
• I am organized like her.
• I read voraciously like her.

The list goes on.

My mother's example has profoundly affected the way I relate to people. For example, for years, I have loved sending notes and letters.  What better way to tell someone you care and express what someone means to you.  I learned this practice from watching my mother write notes to friends encouraging them, building them up, and letting them know she is praying for them.

And being like her is a good thing.   She loves Jesus. She loves others. She is the constant presence in my life whom I want to emulate and be like when I grow up.  I am so grateful to have a mother like this- full of integrity, kindness, and love.

When Friendship Hurts

I am so very grateful the community of friends I do life with.  Looking back over the last ten years of being back on the Shore, friendships have ebbed and flowed as is inevitable.  But there are friends that have stood the test of time, friends with deep relationships, friends whom I love and seek counsel from, friends I pray with and serve alongside.

But friendship can be ugly.  We hurt each other with words, behaviors, and actions. We misunderstand each other or cause offense intentionally or unintentionally.   It is these moments that strengthen or potentially destroy a friendship.  I have learned the hard way how true this is.  I find it so much easier to assume that I have no role in conflict or no need to restore a friendship when conflict is rife.  Not long ago, God shook me up and convicted me regarding this.  I was at fault in conflict and need to make restoration- me- no one else.  The thing is that it is hard to recognize that failure and sinfulness within.  And even harder to acknowledge it to the one you have wronged.

But God is good all the time.  All the time, God is good. In the humbling of myself and asking forgiveness and seeking full restoration, there is grace and love from the Lord and the other person and a picture of how the Church is to work - in humility and love for others and repentance striving for unity.    Philippians speaks to this - "Standing firm in ONE spirit, with ONE mind, striving SIDE BY SIDE for the faith of the gospel....  If there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the SAME mind, having the SAME love, being in FULL accord and of ONE mind."

Friendships are messy.  But by working through conflict and recognizing the ugliness of ourselves, friendship can draw us closer to the Lord and holiness.   I am so thankful for my friends and the grace they bestow and the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ.

Anniversary Party - Picture Edition

Mom and Dad's 40th Anniversary party was two weeks ago.  Frances took pictures; I love them.  Plus I am just happy that we pulled off the surprise and want to share the moments with others.

Mom and Dad with Aunt Betty and Uncle Dwight - 

Mom and Dad met at their wedding

Mom and Dad arrived at Holly's thinking it was just dinner with Holly and Daric and her in-laws.

The best part was when they realized Aunt Betty and Uncle Dwight had come from North Carolina to surprise them.

We had Chipolte (Scott's idea and really the easiest way to do food) and Dairy Queen ice cream cake.

Aunt Betty still had her Maid of Honor dress from 40 years ago- super fun.

Family photos were taken.



Check out these cute kids.

I love Frances's collage of the girls and their aunts.

And finally, my favoritest sister ever and me! 

Thank you once again, Frances, for taking all the pictures!!!!!

He Who is My Refuge

I have been thinking lately about anxiety and worry.  Okay, I think about that a lot.  Recently more in the context of being content and full of joy.  If I am content, I will not be anxious or worried. Or maybe a better way to say it is that if I am content, my anxiety can be contained when it flairs up. Those times I am content; I have found this to be true.

I am memorizing Psalm 91 for church and the words are timely.

• He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
• My refuge and fortress....
• He will deliver you.... 
• He will cover you.... 
• You will not fear.... 

I have a God who loves me and is my dwelling place.  He is a place to find refuge from the anxiety and worries that may overwhelm me.  As I learn Psalm 91, I want to make these truths a fundamental part of how I relate to God and turn to him.

I want to be able to say that because I have made the Lord my dwelling place- the Most High, who is my refuge- no evil (worry or anxiety) shall be allowed to befall me.

40 years and counting

Yesterday, we celebrated our parent's 40th anniversary.  They are an example to us and to others of loving each other and Jesus and of commitment. And it is good to honor them.

My sister had the idea to surprise them.  With some help from Chipolte and Dairy Queen, we had a plan all laid out.  Until......  sickness kept two of my favorite families home and the party dropped in size by a third.  And a storm wrecked havoc on the house we were going to be at and we did a last minute switch of houses.  In spite all that, it worked out.

40 years ago- Aunt Betty, Mom, Dad, Uncle Dwight

Mom and Dad showed up at Holly's house thinking they were just doing dinner with Holly and her in-laws.   They were truly surprised to see the whole family and some good friends.  But the surprise went up another level when Aunt Betty and Uncle Dwight (who Mom thought were busy with other events) popped out from around the corner.

Anniversary Family Picture (PC: Frances)

Our party was small and intimate but sweet with close friends and family who are part of the fabric of Mom and Dad's lives (and us kids).   We had a slide show with lots of comments on pictures, a wedding album I stole earlier that week from their house with a little help from a friend, questions and answers about Mom and Dad by the grand kids, the bridesmaid dress Aunt Betty had worn on display, and good food and conversation.

Dad told us we did well.  I take that as a compliment.

Happy Anniversary, Mom and Dad!

A shout out to Julie for being part of the surprise planning, to Frances for taking pictures, and especially to Aunt Betty and Uncle Dwight for making the trip up to celebrate.

Child of delight

Today Eve has reached the double digits which is hard to believe.

10th birthday in Maryland

She is the first of all of my nieces and nephews- real or fake- in that she was the first to enter my life. I still remember eating crabs with her parents and my brother and sister in law the night before she was born.  I still remember holding her a couple of weeks old almost in tears knowing that her family was moving halfway across the country and my relationship with her would be built on infrequent visits. Pretty much every year for 7 years(?), I would visit her family and relish the time I had with her and her siblings until her family moved to Virginia and finally Maryland when I saw her much more. But God is good because, despite the infrequent visits for years, I have always known Eve and loved her deeply.

Reading in California

She is sweet and loves well.
She is eager to please and desires to help others.
She is full of creativity and imagination.
She is a joy to all who know her.

Visiting Eve in Oklahoma

Happy birthday, Eve!

Overcoming Anxiety

Anxiety tends to defines me.  I wish it didn't, but more often than not it does.  I can be anxious about everything - big or small, what may be, what was, and what may not be. Anxiety for others. Anxiety for me.  Anxiety that I will forget a commitment.  Anxiety that I will never love that unlovable person more.  Anxiety about my niece at camp this week.  Anxiety about whether my friend will do good on a job interview.  Anxiety is all around ready to control me.

I have a choice.  Do I let anxiety define me or do I overcome anxiety?  Do I let the habit of anxiety set future precedence?  And as I contemplate these questions, I am reminded of an answer I know yet constantly forget.  "Do not be anxious about anything.  But in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God and the peace that passes all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." * This is the habit I need to continue to make.  Instead of dwelling on anxiety, I need to present my worry to God and trust that He will give me peace.  And you know what, He inevitably does!

Today, I choose to give my anxiety to God and dwell in His peace.  "He is able to do immeasurably more than all I can ask or imagine"^ even with my anxiety.

*Phil 4:6-7
^ Eph 3:20

Friends and Relations

This week, one of my cousins and her family came and spent the week at my mom and dad's.  It was a full week- lots of meals with people who wanted to hear about the work my cousin and her husband do, visiting another cousin at her church, playing with the kids and just visiting.

I often think about relationships (really most of my blog is about relationships.)  It is because relationships matter.  We forge friendships and encourage and build each other up by spending time with other people and being involved in their lives and they in ours.   They take time and effort and often physical time together.

But my cousin lives a continent or two away.  The wonderful thing is that when we are together, we pick up right where we left off.  I think that is because we have common interest, shared history and, most importantly, long to grow in the knowledge and truth of the Lord.   I am grateful for this week and the time we had.  For all the time playing with her kids and my nieces and nephew.  For the time to hear them speak about their work in a formal and informal setting. For the time spent talking about what really matter especially while running errands. For the time just to be together.

I love and cherish relationships and the value of friends.  Every so often, it is nice when your friend is also a relation.

Games with kids

The one who giggles and one who pursues knowledge

This week, two of my favorite kids have birthdays.

Christmas bowling

Susie, a 4th of July eve child, turns 8 and Matthew, a 4th of July child, turns 10.

Girls' tea

I love these kids.  To those who don't know Susie, you would think she was shy, a little giggly and doesn't talk alot.  Well, she is shy and she is VERY giggly, but she does talk alot.  And when she does talk, she is funny and there will probably animals involved in her stories. Susie loves her animals - passionately.  Oh and she is the best hugger - she squeezes tighter than anyone else I know.

Susie's soul food- ice cream

Matthew is not so quiet though maybe with strangers. With people he knows, he shares a wealth of information or is seeking to acquire knowledge.  He may be the smartest person I know.  Play a strategy game with him and you will know what I am talking about. Some of my favorite times are playing strategy games with him.

Happy birthday, Susie and Matthew!

Living in the ordinary

Last weekend, I visited my aunt and uncle, a friend and her family, and went to a family reunion.  It is funny to think that I have seen relatives in Africa more recently than relatives in Virginia.   But along the way, I didn't take many pictures or even have my camera on me. 

A few moments captured of time with my friend and her family

But that is okay.  Even though I didn't capture every moment in picture, memories were created.  The moments were ordinary.  

• Visiting my aunt and uncle and having dinner with them.  
• Spanish class with my aunt.
• Talking to my aunt and uncle about recent trips and upcoming ones.
• Walking with my friend as in bygone years - only now with a 4 year old.
• Craft time with the 4 year old.
• Sitting on a porch and talking about everything and nothing. 
• Traveling with my brother's family and just talking.
• Making funny laughs for my nephew.
• Playing games with my nieces.

None of these moments are spectacular or amazing.  A book or movie would never be created about them. And yet.

Games

And yet, in the ordinary is the extraordinary.  These moments are the fabric of my life.  These people are the people God has given me.  And that is extraordinary. And it is good.

Choosing family

While drinking coffee the other day, as we do many Saturday mornings, Monique commented to another girl that sometimes we can chose our family.  I wholeheartedly agree with this statement.  We can't chose our biological family (thankfully I love mine).  But we can choose the family we love and do life with on a daily basis.

Family

I am fortunate to have a several good friends that I call family.  Monique is one of them.  And what a friend, one who is kind, chill, loving, gets me, and serves the Lord.

Over the past 10 years, our lives have overlapped and intertwined. And, in the past few years, we have been drawn closer and closer together.  My life is filled with Monique; we drink coffee together weekly, sit together at church, study the Bible together at Bible Study, eat dinners together, do Christmas bowling with kids.....  Our lives are wrapped up together.   She is family.

Monique, I chose you as my family!  Happy Birthday! 

ESL training - seeing God at work

Six months ago when it came to planning for ESL training, the hope was for 10 maybe 15 people to come.  This weekend, we had 27 people come.  27!!!  Ages 14 to 84. From 10 churches. 10!!! 5 of which work with our ESL ministry; others came for their ESL certification in order to carry on ESL ministries in their own churches or vocations.  This fills my heart with so much joy.  27 people wanting to help immigrants speak English and share the gospel.  Several churches who have partnered together across denominational barriers.

It was a long 11 hours, but it was educational and also fun. Here are some pictures of our weekend (some of which I stole from others on Facebook.)

27 people!; 10 churches!

Role playing - because Lori is shy.

Flyswatter game.  Eden is lording her victory over Juliet

Fun learning exercises

Lots of food and my scrambled egg salad was a success

Many of those at the training have visions for reaching international college students, ESL Bible studies, relationship building, or seeds of the Gospel being planted.  God is at work.  I don't know what the plans hold - more than I can imagine I am sure.  A year from now I am excited to see where we are.  

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or can imagine according to His power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

A sister in law and a friend

Sometimes I hear stories of those who don't like their sister in law or don't have a lot in common or just don't want to spend time with them.  I am so glad that this isn't the case for me.

Throwback to Maggie's baby shower when we were all young.
Also we don't take pictures together apparently.

I love my sister in law, Kristine.  Among many things:

She is easy to spend time with.
She is a gracious host to all.

She is much nicer than me.

She opens her house to me and lets me come over and just hang out with her family. 

We share common interests.
She is creative and crafty.
She is a good mother.

She always encourages. 

On the weekends, she is my go to person to hang out with.  And contrary to what some may think, that it isn't because of my nieces and nephew. I have gone over most weekends since Scott and Kristine have gotten married.  She truly is one of my favorite people!

Happy Birthday, Kristine!

She who does not hug

Mikayla is 11 today.  How? How? I remember when she was a baby flirting with me over her mom's shoulder.

Craft Night Gone Wrong circa 2016

I love this kid. She is funny, sassy, and sweet.

She may hate to hug me- not that that stops me from hugging her.  But she is one of the kids I love to hang out with. Whether it is a craft night, eating sushi(!), or just playing games, I love to have her there.

With Baby Emory- because everyone loves Baby Emory

Happy Birthday, Kayla!

Conversation Hour

This summer, we are trying something new for our ESL ministry.   We have invited all of the students to come and speak English with fluent English speakers for an hour.  The hope is that we can give them the opportunity to just practice speaking English in a low key setting and to build relationships.

It is the same night and time as classes during the school year for a sense of regularity.  The first 2 weeks we didn't have anyone come.  In wondering why, we realized that the church appeared unopened and the cars were out of sight so the church looked deserted.  Live and learn; the third week, we made it obvious we were there and 6 people came!  And this week, 6 people came.  I think both weeks have gone well with lots of good conversation.

This sometimes surprises me.  While I am social with people I know, it is often painfully awkward for me to converse with those I don't know well.  But God is merciful and overcomes that.  I have been able to talk about any number of things and we laugh a lot along the way.

One of the reasons that I love ESL is seeing the joy as people "get it" and speak with more and more confidence. Also I love the people I work with.  Thursday, one of the girls in my group was a young teen.  She came to classes too, and I loved having her in class then too.  She is just fun and full of life.  After class as we were leaving, she proudly announced she can now pray in English and did so.

A month into summer conversation hours, I am so glad we are doing these sessions.  I pray for relationships to grow and English to be improved.  God is good all the time; all the time, God is good. May His goodness flood this ministry.

Graduation, Games, and Gifts

Rachel graduated.  I have lots I could say. I will simply say I love this girl and spending time with her tons and tons.  As a friend said Saturday, sometimes we choose our family, and I chose Rachel and her peeps and they chose me.  And that I'm glad it worked out from me to go to the ceremony against odds.  I may have been THAT person who walked in late, but I made it!

Graduation!

Made it just in time to see her graduate

Rachel' graduation party was fun - good food and great people.   Last week, Rachel, Juliet and I had made lawn Dutch Blitz.  After trying it out Friday night, we got two games in at the party.  It really is lots of fun and amusing to watch the runners try to get the cards into the middle of the lawn.   I hope to get lots more games in this summer at reunions, birthday parties, and other gatherings.

My team made a valiant, albeit unsuccessful, effort

Jessie got in one game- here's too more games with her

Last year, I surprised Evan with an Eagles quilt at his graduation.   For Rachel, she picked out the fabric and pattern.   Somehow, I completely mismeasured the fabric I needed.  I had to improvise.  The backing was going to be all rose fabric and now has a strip of blue and green which I love.  And I had to use my 2 leftover squares as binding.  I love when improvisation turns out better than the initial vision.

I love the colors and the Split Rail Knot pattern

Back

And speaking of quilts, I am working on a Christmas rag quilt.  I had cut the material back and am sewing the squares together now to rag.  More on that later.

Rachel, your graduation day was wonderful.  I pray that as you go to college that you make your faith your own, dig into God's Word and be deeply satisfied, and "that your love will abound more and more in all knowledge and depth of insight so that you may discern what is best and be perfect and complete for the day of Christ being filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ to the glory and praise of God."

Celebrating My Aunt Claire

At Holly's wedding

Today is my Aunt Claire's birthday; it is a day to celebrate her and her unique gifts and attributes.

A year ago, I had the opportunity to attend my aunt's retirement dinner marking her years of service in the United Methodist church.   The two hundred plus people from all stages of her life who came to honor and celebrate her speaks to Aunt Claire's ability to do relationships well.

And how Aunt Claire does relationships is a model to me.  All my life, she has been active in her nieces and nephews and, now, grand nieces and nephews' lives.  She knows them all, not just by name, but for who they are. And they know and love her.

Beyond family though, I would hear about how she was going to this person's concert or that person's play or this one's celebration.   I saw and heard about the time she spent in youth group activities and the dance ministry.  She is an example for how I model my own relationships.  Just as she invests in the children (many now grown) around her, I want to do the same with the children (some almost grown) around me.

So today, on Aunt Claire's birthday, I am appreciative of her love, not only for me, but for her family and those placed in her life.   One day, I hope that people will be able to say of me that I did relationships as well as Aunt Claire.